I have been working with intentions. I meditate each morning and set my intention for the day. This morning was no different except I had spent a bit more time deciding on my intention. I really wanted to work on this area of my life.
I have felt unproductive this last week and today I really wanted to set my intention on being productive.
I set the intention of productivity.
I also had a plan, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and I was determined to achieve it.
I was clear. I was determined. I set my intention early. I focused on it and I went about my day.
Just as I went to get started my 10 year old woke, it was 6.30am. I didn't think too much of it but I was surprised, every morning I have to wake her at 7.00am for school.....every single day.
I spoke to her then went back to getting started on my 'productive' day, back to my to to list (which I call a 'choose' to do list). Within minutes my older daughter woke, very unusual for a weekend, and decided she was going to go to the local pool to swim laps, again extremely unusual!!! Lexi wanted to go with her so I helped her quickly have breakfast, find her swimmers, swimming cap etc . I was happy with that, after all it was still early, I had all day to get 'productive'!!
7.30am, they were out the door, I made a cuppa and sat down again with my journal.
7.32am, my middle daughter texts, "Can you please pick me up from Sippy Downs?" Sippy Downs is 25 minutes away, I wasn't dressed, I had just sat down!! I get dressed and go and pick her up.
8.45am and I am home again, thats alright, still lots of time in the day.
8.51am, no I am not joking or exaggerating, my elderly neighbours daughter calls. My neighbour, who is caring for her ailing husband, is having a meltdown, she is overwhelmed, her daughter asks if there is any chance I could go over to her?
Of course I can and I go straight away.
11.30am I get home, it is a long story but the situation was worse and more complicated than I anticipated and I just couldn't leave her.
At this point I haven't even eaten breakfast, the only thing I have ticked of my "I choose to do list' is meditating and setting my intention of productivity. So much for productivity!!
As I sit and write this it is 2.45pm and I am trying to make sense of my day. I have cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the floor and finally I sit with my journal. Journalling is the way I understand things, the way I gain clarity.
At first I get a bit angry. Angry with myself for not being productive enough, for not trying hard enough. My intention must not have been strong enough. Yes I start to beat myself up!!
Then I stop. There is more to this. I know it, I know enough to know there is!!
Did I not want it badly enough?
Was my intention not authentic?
No, none of that felt right.
My mind shifted to the universal law of polarity (contrast). Was this law at play in some way? It states that everything that exists has an equal and exact opposite.
I intended productivity and yet I was experiencing 'un'productivity.
As I was contemplating this and writing my thoughts, finally being productive you might say, you wont believe what happened.
2.50pm I hear a commotion outside and Lexi calls me. "Mum the crazy lady is going off." I walk to the front window and see 'the crazy lady', a lady who lives across the street, next door in fact to my earlier mentioned neighbour, screaming and yelling abuse at her elderly mother and another neighbour who had gone to help.
Long story but I end up checking on the mother who is standing on the footpath with her suitcase, walker and plastic bags full of stuff while the daughter, aka the crazy lady, screams abuse at her.
I end up calling 000 and dealing with the police.
It is now 4.30pm and finally I sit once again to write. Not before I get a request for butter chicken for dinner though!!
So why is it?
Why is it that today I deliberately and consciously intend productivity and in fact experience a hugely unproductive day and it all seemed out of my control?
It is disheartening.
I can't help but wonder "what did I do wrong?"
In this moment I understand why some people say this spiritual, energetic or law of attraction 'stuff' doesn't work!
Many people get to this stage. They do all the 'right' things and not only does it seem and feel like it isn't working the complete opposite seems to happen.
So they quit, they think it isn't worth it and they give up.
I get it. I see why they do that!!
I am thankful though that I know there is more to it than that. That there is more for me to learn, probably about myself. I know this 'stuff' works so I ask "why isn't it working for me today?"
Then it dawns on me and it makes complete sense.
In order to have set my intention of being productive I had to have been aware of the opposite experience - being unproductive. So my focus, at least for a time, was on being unproductive. Remember what we focus on grows, what we focus on we experience, but there is an energetic lag if you like between focusing on or setting the intention and experiencing or manifestation. Generally we don't focus on something and immediately experience it, it takes a little time.
This last week I have been unproductive, I have had an awareness of not getting enough done, I have felt unproductive. My focus has been on the opposite of productive, this is actually the only way I could have decided to set an intention of productivity, by being acutely aware of my lack of productivity!! Remember what we focus on expands, and we ultimately experience it. My past focus resulted in the 'unproductive' day I have been experiencing in spite of my powerful and authentic intention set this morning.
When this occurs we often give up or focus even more on the undesired state, or in this case my 'un' productivity. We give it attention and energy rather than our desired intention.
And so the cycle continues and this work appears not to work.
At this time doubt, frustration and fear can grow and really effect your ability to create that which you truly desire.
At this point it is vital to keep your focus on what you desire, in my case productivity, and to keep your faith.
I also have a choice about how to look at my day. Sure it didn't go to plan, my 'I choose to do" list still sits untouched but I helped the neighbours at a very emotional and challenging time, I cleaned the kitchen, I vacuumed, I cooked dinner, I wrote this blog.
If I focus on things I did that can make the day feel productive, even if it is in a different way than I envisioned, then that is the energy I can maintain and even grow. And remember what we focus on expands. By doing this I give my experience a chance to catch up to the energy and intention I am putting out into the world.
But it can take time. If there is something you want to change chances are you have been focusing on the opposite, consciously or unconsciously or maybe even both, for quite some time and maybe with an increasing amount of emotion. And emotion strengthens the manifestation process. So inadvertently you have been spending time manifesting the very thing you don't want!!
Therefore it will take time for your experience to shift and for you to start experiencing that which you desire or for your intention or manifestation practices to seem to work. They do start working straight away but often things are shifting and occurring behind the scenes so to speak, before it comes into your current reality.
Maintaining your faith and focus is the most important and least understood stage of manifestation and change. Change takes time, often not as long as we think but it does take time and in this in between phase it is vital you keep your focus and maintain the faith.
Give the energy time to work its magic. Don't give up while the stars are aligning behind the scenes.
My day may not have been productive in the way I intended but I did have productivity in my day and I am going to maintain my intention of productivity until the universe catches up and I am experiencing exactly what I desire!!
What intentions do you have?
What intention would serve you and support your desires?