For many years, generations in fact, women haven't felt validated, valued, heard.
There is a lot of talk about this currently as woman are beginning to really step into their power, into themselves. It is a time of change and many positive changes are occurring.
It seems to me however that many of us are now finding our own validity by seeking to prove our own actions and choices 'right' and unfortunately we sometimes do this by trying to prove someone who has done differently to us 'wrong', I shamefully have to raise my hand for this one and I didn't even realise I was doing it.
I feel this is primarily done sub consciously, we aren't consciously seeking to prove someone wrong or point out someones 'wrong' decisions or choices, we are actually trying to be heard ourselves, we are seeking positive feedback for our own decisions and choices, we are trying to be seen and heard ourselves.
Those of us who choose to be vegans for example band together, those of us who choose to be working mothers band together, those of us who choose to be stay at home mums band together etc etc. We do this to feel support and because we feel we have something in common with these people, we feel safe and we wont feel as challenged by them. We also subconsciously do this to help prove and validate our own choice. In doing this we often, unintentionally, point out all the reasons that those eating meat or those not working or those working are making the wrong decisions, how they are screwing up!!
We feel validated when surrounded by people who are making similar choices to ours and deep down many of us want to prove to all those watching us, those looking in on our lives, that we have made or are making the RIGHT choices.
This is sad, one the validity we seek, our identity, doesn't come from others it comes from within us and two this divides us.
It divides us as women.
It makes it this group against that group and ends up perpetuating the very ting we are trying to avoid, the external judgment of women and the belief that everyone has a right to judge a woman and what she chooses to do.
We put our blinkers on and we can't see the full picture of others, as we need tunnel vision to constantly prove and justify our own decisions and choices.
Here is the thing. There are no RIGHT decisions, there is no ultimate perfect way to live.
There are YOUR choices, there are MY choices. The choices each of us make doing the best we can at the time.
They aren't RIGHT or WRONG they are just OURS.
When I accepted this I had to look at my past actions and I wasn't always proud of them. I am not a bad or nasty or overtly judgmental person but I did feel I had to own some of my behaviour. I didn't like it but I knew I had to face it in order to move on differently and be able to actually be more supportive of others, to do what I could to unite women.
Here is what came through for me when I looked at this:
To all the women I have secretly, unknowingly, subconsciously judged I am sorry.
I have at times tried to justify my own decisions, my own actions to myself and to others by making yours look wrong or less right than mine.
I am sorry for any time I have judged your decision, whatever it may have been, as less than mine.
I am sorry for the times I have smiled at you and yet judged you in my mind.
I am sorry for the times I haven't supported you as I could have because I felt supporting you would make you right and therefore me wrong.
I am sorry for the times I couldn't even hear your challenges because in a way I thought "well you chose that!"
I am sorry for any time I have arrogantly thought you were doing the wrong thing.
I am sorry for the times I picked holes in what you were doing because I wanted to justify what I was doing.
I am sorry for the times I may have attempted to dim your light because I so wanted the light on me.
I am sorry for not seeing all of you.
The whole you.
The pure you.
The perfect you.
The imperfect you.
I am sorry I didn't embrace all of you.
All you do.
All you choose.
All you are.
All you can be.
This was done unintentionally in an attempt to make myself feel whole and powerful and empowered and confident.
However in judging you, in misunderstanding you, in not seeing you, in diminishing you I was adding to the pool of judgement and inadvertently I was judging and misunderstanding myself. I was shrinking, I was hiding. I was selling myself short.
When we rise together, regardless of the differences in our situations, our choices, our backgrounds, our dreams, when we unite and support each others differences we all shine! It is only when we support each other freely that we can shine fully!!
We don't then have to share the light, we become the light!!
To all of you thank you for being you.
Congratulations on making the best choices you could make, on being the best you you can be.
Lets stand together and unite in spite of our differences, lets embrace our differences, our different choices and send nothing but love, understanding, support and acceptance.
When we stand together in our differences the world becomes a better place. A place we can all be seen and heard and valued. A place we can be loved for who we are.
Make your choices.
Live your life.
And from now on I will be cheering you on.
I can live my truth while still supporting you in your truth regardless of how different they may be.